resolute

just thinking of it ruptures my resolve
in that hollow space
where one-winged butterflies flutter nervously
and fight or flight is a one-option instinct

seeing others, well, that's worse.
they're brave. they bear their mental battle scars and laugh off ancient sins
whilst I run and hide from any chance of letting my past slip
                                                                                            away
cling it close under sleeves of normalcy
away from prying eyes and unfortunate implications
covered by a fear of
                  , dangling in the open
vulnerability

an unanswered question
an unlocked, unopened door
unrequited empathy and understanding

someday, perhaps I will be brave and
feel the wind rush over my scars
carrying the demons of old away

today is not that day.